McDonald's recently held a National Hire Day, and I thought, is that really necessary? Well, apparently it is. Over one million were served applications for McJobs. This is a recovery? Only 62,000 were hired, by the way, out of those one million applicants. That's a 6.2% acceptance rate. Somebody pointed out that it's easier to get into Harvard, currently accepting 7% of all applicants. But that makes sense, considering that most college graduates are finding themselves slinging burgers anyway. I say skip University and go right to work. You have landed a more prestigious appointment than any Ivy League school could offer. The average state college tuition is $15,000 yearly; the average private institution will run you $36,000. Lay out that money for higher learning and wind up finding a job at the mini-mart. Save yourself the hassle: you will find yourself ahead of the game in the long run.
Wal-Mart CEO Mike Duke recently fretted (yes, I used the word fretted) about a down-turn in sales, due, in his humble opinion, to the meteoric rise in gas prices. It couldn't have anything to do with the loss of jobs to cheap, overseas labor, could it? Or perhaps because more people than ever before are discovering their mortgages are so far underwater they need SCUBA gear? Wal-Mart also sees inflation soaring in the near future. It will soon cost you more to buy Indonesian sweat pants.
But that's okay, blame the unions. Yes, the same unions that built the middle class in this country. Even if you work in a non-union workplace, your wage and benefits are a direct result of union struggles. They are (were) bargaining chips played in an effort to secure your services. Several states are trying (and succeeding) in outlawing bargaining rights for public service sectors, and all hell breaks loose. "Isn't it awful what's happening in Wisconsin?" Yes, it is. Why don't we just outlaw breathing, and get it over with.
One man walks away with 52 billion dollars, but blame the unions. HEY! THAT GUY'S IN JAIL! WE CAN GET OUR MONEY BACK! SURELY HE COULDN'T SPEND 52 BILLION DOLLARS! WHA? WHERE'D IT GO?
No, wait: blame the teachers. Yes, teachers. I remember when I was in high school, all of my teachers made sure I knew how to run a proper Ponzi Scheme. First period, English; second period, Chemistry; third period, Fraud and sucking the soul out Grandpa's retirement fund..
Well, I suppose McDonald's will need all those new hires. Typical recession-proof businesses include movie houses, bowling alleys, and fast food. Wolf it down and then see if you can afford medical care. You deserve a break today. Have yourself a Happy Meal.
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