A few months ago, Sony PlayStation fell victim to cyberhackers who compromised personal information belonging to, oh, I don't know, about a hundred million users. Sony claims they were using industry standard protection devices. This begs the question: should industry standards be upgraded? Just asking. But the real problem is this: 100,000,000 PlayStation users had to sit it out while Sony shut down the service. What in God's name would they do?
Read a book?
Go outside and play?
Talk to someone face to face?
I asked a thirteen year old boy who lives on my block if he subscribed to Sony's PlayStation wifi. He said, yes, he did. I asked him if he knew the system was shut down for a while. He said, yes, I know. And then I asked him, "What are you going to do if you can't use Playstation for a few months?" And he said:
"I just jump over to Xbox."
What a dumbass question.
BUT HEY! We adults are facing the same problem with regard to football and basketball. A possible NBA lockout is following right on the heels of the NFL lockout. Come this fall, the possibility exists that we will have no football. And maybe no basketball? What in tarnation is going on in this Godforsaken universe? We need to help billionaires settle their differences with millionaires as soon as possible. The implications are ominous. Without football or basketball, we would have to
Read a book?
Go outside and play?
Talk to someone face to face?
By the way, there is a group of cyberhackers known as "Anonymous" wreaking havoc upon banks and defense contractors. Really? "Anonymous?" Of course you're anonymous...if you used your real names, officials would know how to find you. Back in the seventies, we used cool names for our revolutionary organizations, like the Symbionese Liberation Army. Or Red Dawn. C'mon, get with it for Chrisakes!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Go Sell Your Cloaks and Buy Swords
See - even Jesus knew when to weapon up. Okay, so people say that Jesus would never advocate violence. I'm not sure of the biblical metaphors or what not...all I know is that soon afterward someone got their ear cut off.
There are plenty of people out there who think the coming financial meltdown necessitates a self-defense regimen consisting of food storage*, bomb shelters and weapons training-we are facing our own moment of cloak-selling. I'm not so sure. Yeah, maybe another round of quantitative easing might inflate the dollar to the point of obsolescence; maybe we find ourselves in a modern day production of Cabaret, hauling wheelbarrows of Deutschmarks to the grocery store to buy a single loaf of bread. (Can I be Joel Grey? Wilkommen!) But do we really forecast rioting? Social unrest, perhaps, but I don't think anybody's really up for takin' it to the streets. The point of armed resistance has long since passed away. If I get busted for protesting, there goes my shot at that promotion for that job that doesn't exist anymore in that company that outsourced all of its jobs overseas.
Anyways, I live across the highway from a gun club. It's not fair for me to complain about it...sort of like the guy who buys a house next to O'Hare and complains about the jet noise. Nonetheless, here I go. Gunshot is one of the most disturbing noises in the world.** There is something unsettling about gunshot report, even a half mile away. My dog, Forrest, was a coon hound, genetically in tune with gunshot. But even he did not like it. If the gun dudes were out blasting away at the skeet, Forrest would just stick his head out of the garage and turn right back around. He would ask me, most sincerely, if it would be okay if he just peed in the kitchen today. And I couldn't argue with him.
But there must be something to it. What are these guys doing? And why are they doing it on Sunday morning? For God's sake, can we not give it a rest on Sunday til noon...at least? (There should be a law: No one is allowed to make any noise, be it lawn maintenance, big wheels, basketball bouncing, or shooting, until 11:00 am on Sundays and holidays.) But, do they know something we don't know? Do they?
NONETHELESS: Summer is here. Hot weather always brings increased odds of violence. What if the economy collapses in the middle of July? What if decent, God-fearing people can't find employment, food, housing - just as the temperature spikes toward 100? By the way, why does it get so damn hot in Arizona and Nevada, but no one seems to riot there? Some people believe it's because there is no humidity. People used to tell my father he should move there. He would always say, "Yeah, but doesn't it get really hot there?" And they would respond, "Yes, but it's a really dry heat." And my father would tell them, "So is my oven, but you don't see me moving there."
Whatever. If the financial world collapses and you find yourself tempted to take up arms, back off. When the Clay People come to take over Earth, I will run across the highway and enlist the help of my Sunday gun-toting brethren. In the meantime, just sit out on the front porch with a glass of lemonade and take it all in. My friend Randy recommends fresh squeezed lemons, "none of this neon green powdered crap."
*When I was in college, I worked for my grandfather's moving and storage company. One of my first assignments was my next door neighbors - they were Mormons moving to Utah. Mormons must be prepared for whatever disaster befalls them...war, famine, unemployment, Bernie Madoff.......and that includes a basementful of grains, water, etc. My job was - you guessed it - the basement. Five gallon containers of wheat, rice, corn...hundreds of them. For years after that, in my dreams, I made them smoke and dance.
**When I was in college, a grad student by the name of Frederico (not his real name - his real name was Andy) lived on my floor in the dorm. He lived in Ireland for a few years during "The Troubles"...not the Troubles of 1916, or the 1940's, or the 1960's, but the Troubles of the 1970's. Every time he heard a loud "BANG", he would freak out, thinking it was gunfire or bombing. God, did we have fun with him!
There are plenty of people out there who think the coming financial meltdown necessitates a self-defense regimen consisting of food storage*, bomb shelters and weapons training-we are facing our own moment of cloak-selling. I'm not so sure. Yeah, maybe another round of quantitative easing might inflate the dollar to the point of obsolescence; maybe we find ourselves in a modern day production of Cabaret, hauling wheelbarrows of Deutschmarks to the grocery store to buy a single loaf of bread. (Can I be Joel Grey? Wilkommen!) But do we really forecast rioting? Social unrest, perhaps, but I don't think anybody's really up for takin' it to the streets. The point of armed resistance has long since passed away. If I get busted for protesting, there goes my shot at that promotion for that job that doesn't exist anymore in that company that outsourced all of its jobs overseas.
Anyways, I live across the highway from a gun club. It's not fair for me to complain about it...sort of like the guy who buys a house next to O'Hare and complains about the jet noise. Nonetheless, here I go. Gunshot is one of the most disturbing noises in the world.** There is something unsettling about gunshot report, even a half mile away. My dog, Forrest, was a coon hound, genetically in tune with gunshot. But even he did not like it. If the gun dudes were out blasting away at the skeet, Forrest would just stick his head out of the garage and turn right back around. He would ask me, most sincerely, if it would be okay if he just peed in the kitchen today. And I couldn't argue with him.
But there must be something to it. What are these guys doing? And why are they doing it on Sunday morning? For God's sake, can we not give it a rest on Sunday til noon...at least? (There should be a law: No one is allowed to make any noise, be it lawn maintenance, big wheels, basketball bouncing, or shooting, until 11:00 am on Sundays and holidays.) But, do they know something we don't know? Do they?
NONETHELESS: Summer is here. Hot weather always brings increased odds of violence. What if the economy collapses in the middle of July? What if decent, God-fearing people can't find employment, food, housing - just as the temperature spikes toward 100? By the way, why does it get so damn hot in Arizona and Nevada, but no one seems to riot there? Some people believe it's because there is no humidity. People used to tell my father he should move there. He would always say, "Yeah, but doesn't it get really hot there?" And they would respond, "Yes, but it's a really dry heat." And my father would tell them, "So is my oven, but you don't see me moving there."
Whatever. If the financial world collapses and you find yourself tempted to take up arms, back off. When the Clay People come to take over Earth, I will run across the highway and enlist the help of my Sunday gun-toting brethren. In the meantime, just sit out on the front porch with a glass of lemonade and take it all in. My friend Randy recommends fresh squeezed lemons, "none of this neon green powdered crap."
*When I was in college, I worked for my grandfather's moving and storage company. One of my first assignments was my next door neighbors - they were Mormons moving to Utah. Mormons must be prepared for whatever disaster befalls them...war, famine, unemployment, Bernie Madoff.......and that includes a basementful of grains, water, etc. My job was - you guessed it - the basement. Five gallon containers of wheat, rice, corn...hundreds of them. For years after that, in my dreams, I made them smoke and dance.
**When I was in college, a grad student by the name of Frederico (not his real name - his real name was Andy) lived on my floor in the dorm. He lived in Ireland for a few years during "The Troubles"...not the Troubles of 1916, or the 1940's, or the 1960's, but the Troubles of the 1970's. Every time he heard a loud "BANG", he would freak out, thinking it was gunfire or bombing. God, did we have fun with him!
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